Tippy Toes

Him: Haha yeah.  How tall are you again? You don’t mind a guy who is 6’1” do                   you?

Her: I’m 5’2” with an added half an inch on most mornings lol.. and no I don’t                    mind you being a lot taller than me.

Him: I don’t. I like that height.

Her: Cool. I’m glad we’re on the same page.

Him: Just have to lean down for hugs and kisses but that’s ok.  Just a sacrifice                    that has to be made.

Her: Awww… that or I could either stand on my tippy toes or wear high heels.

Him: True.  That’s cute.  Made me smile.

Her: I believe in compromise. That and an open communication. I’m the type                  of person who says what I mean and means what I say.

Him: That’s a good compromise.  I think if that does happen (you on your                            tippy toes) I will probably think back to this conversation and smile.

Her: You’re making me blush  … that’s so sweet.

Him: I blushed when you said the tippy toes and heels thing.

Her: Well I have to make up for some of the height difference, right? But I think                it’s actually romantic heehee….

Him: I do, too.  Are you affectionate?

Her: With the right person, yes. I like holding hands and long hugs and tender                    kisses.

Him: That sounds perfect.  I feel the same way.

xoxo

Unfinished

Tuesday. 8:30 p.m….

I was in the car, waiting for him to arrive. As soon as he pulled over, I checked myself out one more time in the mirror then stepped out. The sun was about to set, painting the sky with a myriad of colors. My heart was thumping in my chest — second  date jitters?  It seemed for a moment I was unsure…

He grabbed a shirt from the backseat of his car and pulled it over his head with a finesse of a well-oiled machine. With those finely-tuned muscles almost rendering me speechless,  I walked over to where he was and he flashed that heart-stopping smile that I am now being accustomed to.  As we waited outside to be seated, we exchanged the usual pleasantries, still flashing me that megawatt smile from time to time.  And I was thinking, I could get used to that ……….

In the midst of a crowded sushi restaurant, with basically almost no wiggling room, I found myself being drawn to him. It’s not just that pretty face, nor those twinkle in his eyes, nor the clothes that fit him so well he could’ve just stepped out from the pages of  GQ.  It’s his wit, his level of maturity that won me over more than anything else.  And the more we talked, the more I found myself liking him. Beginnings of flutters, I wonder? And I didn’t even have sake!

Teasing.  Laughter.  Witty banters.  What’s a girl not to like?  It’s been a while since I’ve met somebody who can be at par with me and at the same time pique my curiosity.  Plus that damn marquee-lights-up-in-Broadway killer smile. Where’s the dim button when I needed it???

Alas, dinner went by and we were among the few ones left as the restaurant closed.  As we walked out, he asked if I wanted to walk or even drive around.  I got into his car and we drove aimlessly for a while, playing name that tune on his radio.  I can feel the breeze flowing through my hair, feeling carefree and reckless at the same time.

We finally found a secluded spot and he turned the ignition off,  but leaving the music on,  filling the comfortable silence between us.  Moonlight flooded the interior of the car as he slid the moon roof open, adding to the chiseled silhouette of his face.

Unspoken

Soft whispers, almost heard but never spoken…………

How do you really feel about me?  Because if you feel nothing at all, then please, please don’t make me fall for you more than I already have.

I’m scared. I’m afraid that if I care too much, you get a free pass to break my heart.

I’ve never asked what you saw….

Will I ever be enough?

Will you please just once, tell me what you’re thinking?

What are your dreams? How do you see yourself 5 years from now? 10 years?

We’ve been together for quite a while but it still seems that I don’t know a lot about you.

I’m tired of walking on eggshells around you anymore.

I wish that you would just let me in. Because you know what? No matter how hard I tried, you always shut me out. Whenever I come close, you pull away. And that gets tiring after a while. 

I’m not her.

I know I said I love you. I know I said I thought I loved you. Truth? I LOVED YOU.

 

Hush

In lieu of some events and the consequences that ensued after that, it got me thinking… am I really that transparent?  There are a lot of things I want to say but I’m having trouble finding the right words to even express what I’m feeling. 

Where was I?  Oh yeah, talking about emotions… I lost my train of thought there for a moment. 

Distractions. Just what I needed. Sometimes I need it to be able to think clearly. To put things in perspective.

Me. What about?

After some alone time and a lot of thinking, it made me realize that I am wearing my heart out on my sleeve a wee bit too much than what I wanted. So much so that it  made me vulnerable.  So much so that I lost myself in the process.

Does that mean I should just shut everything out? 

But where does that leave me?

Bitter, cynical?

I don’t want to wake up one morning and I find myself to be just that.

I can’t bottle it inside, so pardonnez- moi if  all I write about are my lamentations. And how unfair the universe can be.

And the eternal quest to meet the ONE.

My friends have given me a hard time about my dramas of late and I know they mean well but……

See the thing is, they’re all married.  They have all met the ONE.

Again, where does that leave me?

I’m a single girl amid a sea of  married people. Or couples.

Is it wrong to wish myself that same kind of happily ever after?

I’m not wishing to have a knight in shining armor sweeping me off of my feet…  the hopeless romantic in me refuses to believe so otherwise.

I just want someone to give me the butterflies…….

Someone who makes me weak at the knees……….

I just want someone, dammit! 

Maybe the universe is listening…..

Or maybe I should just shush.

xoxo

Laundry List

Things I needed to do and hopefully accomplish before or by the time I turn 30:

 1.   Be a full fledged physical therapist.

2.   Lose another 20 – 25 lbs.

3.   Pay off my car. I only have a few months left on it  :)

4.   Read Dan Brown’s new novel,  “The Lost Symbol”

5.   Have my car detailed. I haven’t done it since I bought it LOL… car washes — yep, detailing — to follow.

6.   Buy a new laptop.

7.   Go to Disneyland  (yey!)

8.   Learn how to ski  (or even snowboard — again)

9.   Go to Vegas!!!!!!!!!!!

10.  Expand my social circle.

11.  Throw away all my junk.

12.  Run more often (that would require a LOT of work LOL).

13.  Speak up.

14.  Go on vacay.

15.  Take more pictures.

16.  Reconnect with old friends.

17.  Do I dare say fall in love again????

I know the last one’s pushing it, but one could only hope, right?

Que sera, sera.

 

xoxo