Laundry List (Part Trois)

As I turn another year older, ’tis the season to revisit my laundry list from 2 years ago

1.   Be a full fledged physical therapist   Done and done!!!!!

2.   Lose another 20 – 25 lbs —work in progress!

3.   Pay off my car. I only have a few months left on it  :)  — paid it off last August

4.   Read Dan Brown’s new novel,  “The Lost Symbol”  — done! Now reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

5.   Have my car detailed. I haven’t done it since I bought it LOL… car washes — yep, detailing — to follow —  well I’ve got no excuse — I’ve just been lazy

6.   Buy a new laptop — got a brand new spankin’ one!

7.   Go to Disneyland  (yey!)  — on the list next year

8.   Learn how to ski  (or even snowboard — again) — on my list next season

9.   Go to Vegas!!!!!!!!!!!  —October, baby!!!!!!

10.  Expand my social circle. — I have and it still continues to grow

11.  Throw away all my junk.

12.  Run more often (that would require a LOT of work LOL).  hmmmm……….. yeah LOL

13.  Speak up —- oh I’ve been speaking up lol

14.  Go on vacay —   already in the books for next year … wait, do mini-vacays count?????? I’ve got Florida in the books this November woot!!!!!

15.  Take more pictures. 

16.  Reconnect with old friends.

17.  Do I dare say fall in love again????  —  I am soooooooooooo ready!!!

xoxo

30 Things I Learned at 30

30.  People will always disappoint you.

29.  Good friends will stand by you, no matter what, no questions asked.

28.  I like my men clean cut, tall and funny. Especially funny.

27.  I’m a sucker for sappy love stories.

26.  Carpe diem!

25.  You still have to mind your p’s and q’s, dot your i’s and cross your t’s.

24.  There’s a time for everything. Having said that, there’s a reason for everything too.

23.  That I can put up with so much crap.

22. Wanting and needing are two very different things. I learned it the hard way.

21.  I’ll always be a little kid at heart.

20.  How to perfect a mean chicken macaroni salad.

19.  Little things do matter.

18.  That I am going to be a good therapist.  

17.  I could really be a smart-ass.

16.  That you could really be flexible in certain positions … ahem *wink**wink*

15.  How to fall from a 20 foot ravine and still keep your composure.

14.  Knowing when to hold on, hold back and let go.

13.  Saying yes when you really mean yes.

12.  That it’s not unprofessional to take your birthday off! It’s my day, I have the right to spend it however I want it!

11.  Mothers are well, will always be mothers. No matter how grown up you become, mothers will always see you as their babies.

10.  A little luck, lots of hard work and prayer go a long way.

9.   Friday nights are what your girls are for.

8.   That you can go from a size 18-20 to a size 10. If interested, inquire within.

7.   People watching is so much fun!

6.   Family trumps everything. And I mean everything.

5.   That sometimes against all odds, against all logic, we still hope…..

4.   I can really be stubborn and anal for my own damn good.

3.   Being 30 is not the end of the world. Feels like it, but it’s really not.

2.   You’re never too young or too old to go on adventures.

1.   I’m ready to fall inlove all over again.   

So as I turn 30 today, I’m grateful for all that I have — the roof over my head, the food on my table, the clothes on my back and the people in my life that matters the most.

Here’s hoping for another great year ahead!

xoxo

Laundry List (Part Deux)

In accordance to an earlier post………

Things I needed to do and hopefully accomplish before or by the time I turn 30:

 1.   Be a full fledged physical therapist —   I’ve got two months left!

2.   Lose another 20 – 25 lbs — having a weight loss challenge with friends

3.   Pay off my car. I only have a few months left on it  :)  — one more month!!!!!

4.   Read Dan Brown’s new novel,  “The Lost Symbol”  — I don’t have enough downtime .. what between Facebook, Tumblr and my blog, I need more  ”me”  time

5.   Have my car detailed. I haven’t done it since I bought it LOL… car washes — yep, detailing — to follow —  well I’ve got no excuse — I’ve just been lazy

6.   Buy a new laptop —  my old one has so much sentimental value

7.   Go to Disneyland  (yey!)  — right after I’m done with internship

8.   Learn how to ski  (or even snowboard — again) — on my list next season

9.   Go to Vegas!!!!!!!!!!!  — sometime this year

10.  Expand my social circle.

11.  Throw away all my junk.

12.  Run more often (that would require a LOT of work LOL).  hmmmm……….. yeah LOL

13.  Speak up.

14.  Go on vacay —   already in the books for next year … wait, do mini-vacays count??????

15.  Take more pictures.

16.  Reconnect with old friends.

17.  Do I dare say fall in love again????  — was just about to but things got a little bit complicated so I’m still holding off  on that thought…..

xoxo

Between Order and Randomness

Dear Past Boyfriend,

First of all, I’m not wanting to get back together.  Three of the six months of our so-called relationship of pure uncertainty has been enough. I have moved on and I am over you and yes, I’m doing really well, thanks for asking.

You’re probably wondering why after all this time, here I am, writing you a letter. It has been what, nine…ten months?  So much has happened between now and then that the days have started to blur, and memories have faded into gray, along with the aches and pains of heartbreak. The thing is, I was cleaning my room the other day and I stumbled upon the ex-  box — you know, the box where you put all the things that remind you of that person after breaking up — and it just so happened that I opened yours.

At first I didn’t know what to make of it.  Should I keep it or throw it away? One part of me wants to throw it away, just so to be done with it. I mean, why torture myself with memories that remind me of yet another failure? But a bigger part of me wants to keep it, because as glutton for punishments as I am, I realized that you’ll always be a part of me. A part of my life. No matter how fleeting it was. And nothing I do will ever change that.

So yeah, therein that box lay the valentine’s card with the teddy bear, the shot glass, the woven bracelet you got me when you went to Hawaii, the kissing balm that you thought was too girly for you, a couple of movie stubs, the trail map of Saratoga Gap, the necklace you gave me for my birthday and pictures of happier times.

I wasn’t expecting that such simple keepsakes could still evoke powerful emotions within me. I had that sudden pang of longing, a bit of regret and a dull ache that reminds me that even though I have healed nicely, there’s still that scar. Somehow a proof that yes, I have once loved and lost.

Closure.

I guess that’s what this is all about. I’ve come to that point where I can finally give myself closure.  It’s funny how opening Pandora’s box could actually give me what I’ve been trying to do for months. I tried to remember how it was, what we had and how we were but all that I was able to conjure were faded memories. All that remained were silhouettes in the dark. I actually have to look long and hard at the pictures, but somehow still I was left wondering about those special moments. You see, I’m at that point where I could think back and think of you with a smile rather than breaking down into pieces.

I’ve been asked what have I learned? Or did I learn anything for that matter? Because you see if I haven’t, or didn’t, then those are six months of my life I’ll never get back.  And actually, I did.  A lot, in fact.  I’ve realized that my wants and needs are different. That my wants are different from my needs. That I need someone who can be my rock — someone I can lean on either through the good or the bad. I need someone who won’t give up on me, despite my quirks and flaws, who won’t be running to the hills at the first sign of trouble.  I need someone who knows what they want in life, because I do. And I need someone who says exactly what’s on their mind — I’m good at crossword puzzles, but not so much on people puzzles.  Sadly, past boyfriend, you were hit and/or miss. I don’t deny though that there was a time in my life where YOU  were exactly what I needed and wanted.

So if by chance,  you are reading this, I really hope you are happy.  Everybody deserves it, even though you told me once you don’t think you’re capable of loving again. Remember when we were just starting to date, when you told me that you don’t have a lot of friends and I said that I could be your friend? I still mean it. That still holds true.

Closure.

As I move on to the next chapter of my storied life, what I’m really trying to say is that no matter where you are, and whether you stumble upon this or not,  I wish you all the success, happiness and love one could possibly wish for. And I hope you do find what you’re looking for.

As for me, all you need to know is that I’m happy.

- Mai

P.S.  oh btw, you’re not a Scorpio, you’re actually a Sagittarius — just wanted to point that out.

Unspoken

Soft whispers, almost heard but never spoken…………

How do you really feel about me?  Because if you feel nothing at all, then please, please don’t make me fall for you more than I already have.

I’m scared. I’m afraid that if I care too much, you get a free pass to break my heart.

I’ve never asked what you saw….

Will I ever be enough?

Will you please just once, tell me what you’re thinking?

What are your dreams? How do you see yourself 5 years from now? 10 years?

We’ve been together for quite a while but it still seems that I don’t know a lot about you.

I’m tired of walking on eggshells around you anymore.

I wish that you would just let me in. Because you know what? No matter how hard I tried, you always shut me out. Whenever I come close, you pull away. And that gets tiring after a while. 

I’m not her.

I know I said I love you. I know I said I thought I loved you. Truth? I LOVED YOU.

 

Laundry List

Things I needed to do and hopefully accomplish before or by the time I turn 30:

 1.   Be a full fledged physical therapist.

2.   Lose another 20 – 25 lbs.

3.   Pay off my car. I only have a few months left on it  :)

4.   Read Dan Brown’s new novel,  “The Lost Symbol”

5.   Have my car detailed. I haven’t done it since I bought it LOL… car washes — yep, detailing — to follow.

6.   Buy a new laptop.

7.   Go to Disneyland  (yey!)

8.   Learn how to ski  (or even snowboard — again)

9.   Go to Vegas!!!!!!!!!!!

10.  Expand my social circle.

11.  Throw away all my junk.

12.  Run more often (that would require a LOT of work LOL).

13.  Speak up.

14.  Go on vacay.

15.  Take more pictures.

16.  Reconnect with old friends.

17.  Do I dare say fall in love again????

I know the last one’s pushing it, but one could only hope, right?

Que sera, sera.

 

xoxo