Only Hope

 

Her thoughts are scattered in different directions. Her mind can’t still grope the reality of it.

It all started with an email. Now she’s scared that his last is gonna be the end of it.  It would just be fitting, wouldn’t it?

But what can she do?  Her and him only  have had  have had three weeks. They had two years.  How can she compete with that? How can she compete with two years’ worth of history? 

But what if he’s the ONE? Doesn’t she owe it to herself to find out?  To fight for what they had, for the possibility of what they’re going to have?

The thing is, she doesn’t have great expectations in the first place.  She exactly knew what she was getting herself into. The thing she didn’t count on was that she started to really like him. Dare say, started to care too?

So yeah, at this point, she’s going to give him his space…. to think.  To choose.

She so wanted to let him know how much he means to her but she knows when she’s beat. She may be tough and all, but she also knows how and when to pick her battles.  Besides, she needs some time to think things over too. Clear her head.  This time, she knew better than just hope……

It sounds so clichéd but what was it that they say?

” That if you really love someone, set him free. If  he comes back, it’s meant to be. If  he doesn’t, then he’s not yours to have in the first place…….”

So, the process begins. The waiting. The hoping.

Although deep inside her she wants to scream out,

Pick me. Choose me. LOVE me.

 

xoxo

Ifs

If only had I known…. would’ve I taken that leap of faith?

If  only had I trusted my gut, I wouldn’t have fallen that deep.

If  only had I caught that look in your eyes… that look that said it all, then I could’ve spared myself a world of hurt.

If only had I listened… but that’s the trouble with love,  it can make your heart believe a lie. 

If only I had been less blind…

If  only I could’ve spoken my mind… would’ve it made a difference?

Ifs…..

Bottom line is that, it doesn’t really matter now does it?

But what if….

What if I never met you?

 

xoxo

Defining Moments

I thought I’d post one of my old entries from my old blog…..

___________________________

Here I am on a Friday night — again. Yep. I’m home on a date night… date weekend for that matter. But I don’t mind. It’s been a rollercoaster of sorts for me these past few weeks that some peace and quiet’s just what I exactly needed. Just me, myself and I.

I know I’ve been oozing drama lately and I know I’ve been a drag but hey, in my defense, everybody has off days sometimes — except mine has been daaaaaaaaays LOL. Plus, you exactly know that I can be a drama queen hands down so stop complaining :p

If you have noticed, I haven’t used “guess” or “maybe” so far. I mean most of the time I start with ” I guess……” or ” Maybe……” It took a friend of mine to make me see that I have to let people know what I think. Huh? Let me make it clearer — the last time we talked I asked him what’s the most annoying thing about me and he said that sometimes I don’t have an opinion on things… that or I just go along with whatever he says. Une: it’s not that I don’t have one, I do. I’m just afraid to say it for the fear of looking stupid, or worse, rejected. Just in case you missed it, yeah, I do have issues. Hell, who doesn’t? Deux: Because of that dumb voice in my head, I aim to please a little too much that I become too agreeable. And I thought I was just being nice and politically correct most of the time LOL……

You know how there are moments that define our lives? Sometimes it’s so fleeting, you hardly notice it and sometimes it’s so profound that no matter how hard you ignore it, it just won’t go away. It took me a breakup and a badly needed wakeup call to finally realize that you can’t depend and hope on other people for your happiness. I know I’m a novice when it comes to relationships and I know I still have a lot to learn. I just wished that I didn’t have to go through all this pain and turmoil before it all sank in. But hey, that’s how we learn isn’t it?

Thinking about it, it humanized me in a way. Not that I think that I’m perfect or anything like that at all but it made me see myself in a different perspective. I know now that everything’s gonna be alright. That yeah, there are still plenty of fish in the sea. It’s gonna take some time for me though, I have to learn to love myself first and be happy for what and who I am before I dive into the dating pool again. Plus, I admit, I loved him….

So, as to the eternal question — if you’ve loved and lost, will you ever find happiness again? My answer is a definite yes…. in time, yes.

As for me, I am a work in progress.

Mailah version 2.0… pretty soon version 2.1

xoxo