Waiting to Exhale

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Should be an easy natural thing, shouldn’t it?  You shouldn’t even have to think about it. But lately I find that I have trouble doing just that.

Two weeks.

Two weeks’ worth of wasted time. Of waiting. Of hoping. Ugh.

I can’t even remember anymore why I even hoped in the first place. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into… turns out I bit more than I could chew.

So this time, I’m walking away.  I’m making the decision. 

I. Don’t. Pick. YOU.

And yeah, I get it. You don’t always get closure.  No matter how badly you want it.

A final nail in the coffin of  never was in the first place.

And with that, I can breathe.

xoxo

Requiem

She felt sick.

With hands trembling, she tried to sit down and calm herself  but no such luck.  She thought, so this is how it feels…. I thought I’m gonna be okay but truth is, I’m not.  I shouldn’t have opened that Pandora’s box………

Waves and upon waves of emotions tide over her. Denial. Hurt. Sadness.

The realization that it can and maybe will never be. Never was?

Everybody deserves to be happy. Even if that means that somebody has to  get hurt. Even if right now, her heart is breaking into a million pieces all over again.

Doesn’t true love mean that you care for another person’s happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be?  And like any other failed love story, it leaves a mark that no time can ever erase. It may diminish, it may not go away completely, but after a while, it’s not so overwhelming.

But then, there are moments like this.

And for the first time, she felt free. Free at last. Gone are the shackles that bound her to him. As a solitary tear slids off her cheek as she laid down to sleep, she knows in her heart that it’s not because she’s grieving over her past love, the shoulda, coulda, wouldas, but finally the realization that he was never hers.  Never did.  They might’ve shared moments, of shared passion, he might’ve even given her a fraction of himself but he never gave her his heart.

With this final understanding, came the final nail in the coffin of the not meant to be.

And with that, she can finally be happy.

xoxo