Laundry List (Part Deux)

In accordance to an earlier post………

Things I needed to do and hopefully accomplish before or by the time I turn 30:

 1.   Be a full fledged physical therapist —   I’ve got two months left!

2.   Lose another 20 – 25 lbs — having a weight loss challenge with friends

3.   Pay off my car. I only have a few months left on it  :)  — one more month!!!!!

4.   Read Dan Brown’s new novel,  “The Lost Symbol”  — I don’t have enough downtime .. what between Facebook, Tumblr and my blog, I need more  ”me”  time

5.   Have my car detailed. I haven’t done it since I bought it LOL… car washes — yep, detailing — to follow —  well I’ve got no excuse — I’ve just been lazy

6.   Buy a new laptop —  my old one has so much sentimental value

7.   Go to Disneyland  (yey!)  — right after I’m done with internship

8.   Learn how to ski  (or even snowboard — again) — on my list next season

9.   Go to Vegas!!!!!!!!!!!  — sometime this year

10.  Expand my social circle.

11.  Throw away all my junk.

12.  Run more often (that would require a LOT of work LOL).  hmmmm……….. yeah LOL

13.  Speak up.

14.  Go on vacay —   already in the books for next year … wait, do mini-vacays count??????

15.  Take more pictures.

16.  Reconnect with old friends.

17.  Do I dare say fall in love again????  — was just about to but things got a little bit complicated so I’m still holding off  on that thought…..

xoxo

Turning Thirty

I’ll be 30 in about six weeks.

Just saying that makes me feel, um, I don’t know — old. I know, I know, age is nothing but a number but this is different. This is the big three-o, the end of an era kind of thing.

Suddenly I felt like Joey from Friends, making a deal with God to be 29 forever. If only it was that simple.

It’s not that I’m dreading it. It’s not the end of the world for crying out loud — well, that’s what my 30-something friends say anyway.  I still have at least a month and a half to enjoy the last days of my twenties…. just in case the world does end.

Before, thirty is so far away! It’s so far away that it’s a dot. Now the dot has become a splatter. Pretty soon, it’ll be that dark cloud looming over my head, taunting me. Mocking me even.

So as I approach the last days of the last two-decades-and-then-some of my life,  I find myself  looking at the mirror, staring at what it seems like the same yet different girl.

Jaded. Cynical. But still funny as hell and passionate and loyal to a fault.

I may be wiser and a tad more mature but I still find fulfillment in simple things. A simple life. Simple wants and needs.  Although life is already complicated as it is.

So turning thirty, eh?  It doesn’t feel that significant anymore — unless you’re going to buy some booze and you’re wanting to be carded. Like when you’re at the check out counter and the cashier looks at you and just proceeded to ring up all the alcohol one could fathomly consume in what’s supposed-to-be-the-end-of-an-era-night-kind-of-thing and not even ask for an ID and you giving him the death stare with your eyes in slits thinking, “I am not that old!!!”

Thirty. Treinta.  Dertig.  Trente.  Dreißig.  Trinta.  тридцать.  kolmekymmentä.  Tatlumpo.

Many ways to say thirty… but the thing is, it’s just that. A number. No more, no less.  What matters most is what you’ve become at thirty.

So, should I still make a fuss about leaving my twenties and entering the next decade of my life?  Well, I don’t really have a choice, do I?

xoxo

When It Isn’t Like It Should Be

Thursday.

My used-to-be favorite day of the week.  But like all things, my love affair with Thursdays has ended. And like a thief in the night,  I had no idea how it happened. It just did.

But that doesn’t mean I hate Mondays less. 

So yesterday, Thursday of all days, I woke up to the loud screaming of my phone. Grudgingly, I rolled over and blindingly reached for it, thinking that it can’t be 7 am yet… another few minutes… please, please let it be.  I was ready to hit the snooze button one  more time but something tells me this was different.

It was M, my good friend from way back in college.  I was kinda waiting to hear from her, hoping that this call brings good news. As soon as I answered, I asked, “So did you pass?”

Dead silence.

In actuality, it was just probably a second but it felt like an eternity. And even before she uttered those words I was hoping not to hear, I knew. 

Dead silence. Again.

After that, tears flowed. Frustrations were let out. Fears and helplessness, hopelessness surfaced.

All I could offer her were words of comfort and knowing that I am here, listening with no prejudice whatsoever.  I knew exactly what she’s going through. I knew what she’s feeling, what she’s thinking. Because you see, I’ve been through that, too. Not just once. Not twice. I’ve been through it countless times that I wanted to lose count.

I used to think that I got it all planned out :

Un:  Move here to California.

Deux:  Find a job.

Trois:  Take and pass the NPTE.

Quatre:  Find the ONE, fall inlove and have my happily ever after.

My plans got derailed at trois.

First time I took the exams  and failed, it was kinda okay. I knew I didn’t study. I had an excuse. The second time stung a little bit more since I thought I prepared well.  After the nth time, I was so sure that I was so stupid, failing again and again. Doubts and insecurities came rushing to the surface.

Questions lingered in my mind. I doubted my capabilities. I started to doubt myself. But deep inside I knew I could do it. What gives then?

You know the age-old adage, ” If it’s not the right time,  no matter how much you wanted it to happen, it won’t”?

No matter how much I didn’t want to believe it, looking back now, I have to grudgingly admit that that was the case for me. I tried and tried and tried but it just wasn’t meant to be.

Until now.

Everything happens for a reason right? After being an aide for seven years, finally I knew I was ready. Not just ready to take the exams, but ready to be a therapist. But then, of course like most, if not all of the story of my life, I have to take a little detour. Again.

Life gives me lemons, I got to make lemonades LOL. 

I’m hoping all of this will be done before the end of summer. One thing is for sure, this whole journey to be a PT has taught me a lot. It has tested my willpower, definitely tested my patience and endurance. It taught me humility. Most of all, it taught me that a little faith goes a long way.

As for my quatrième plan,  I know it’ll happen.

All in due time.

xoxo